Tuesday, March 31, 2009

perspective

Just as I was sitting down to dinner with my three girls last night, I got a phone call from one of my little brothers.  Through tears, he told me that my sister’s little boy had just passed away.  I was able to keep it together while I was on the phone with him, but as soon as I hung up and Kendall asked me what I was talking about on the phone, I broke down as I gave her the news.

My little nephew Dexter was not even three months old.  When he was born, the doctors knew that something was not right, but it was not until a few weeks ago that they were finally able to diagnose him.  Upon the diagnosis of Ohtahara Syndrome, we knew that his time on this earth would be short.  My sister and her husband are amazing people and have been such great examples of faith throughout this family trial.  My heart breaks for their other two children (ages 3 1/2 and 2) who really cannot understand these family changes.

I spent last night in and out of tears.  I thought I had composed myself, only to break down again and again.  However, strangely enough, this morning I awoke feeling renewed.  Easter is just around the corner, and it is at this time of year that many of us reflect on rebirth and renewal, and specifically the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I did not get to meet my sweet nephew in this life, but I am grateful that we have the knowledge of the plan of salvation and know that if we live faithfully, we will all be united with him in the next life.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a child, but it is even harder to imagine how you could deal with the loss a child without the assurance that you will be able to live together again as a family. 

This past year or so has been tough on me for a number of reasons, but now my burdens seem light.  I am grateful for the perspective that I am currently gaining because of this experience.

I am excited for General Conference this weekend where we have a chance to listen to inspired words from many of the leaders of our Church.  I know that it will reaffirm my testimony of the gospel and renew my efforts to live according to the commandments so that our family can be eternal.

image

21 comments:

Erin said...

my heart is breaking for your sister. i cannot fathom the pain of loosing a child. even with the knowledge of the plan of salvation... i think it would break me.
i'll say a prayer for her and the family.

Steph said...

what a great post and awesome perspective. i am grateful too that we have that knowledge....otherwise, death, espeically of a child, would be unbearable. I am sorry for your sisters family - that would be soooo hard, but glad they have the knowledge and are good examples of faith!

Annie said...

so sorry to hear this mer.

Maren said...

Thank you for this beautiful, uplifting message. What a great perspective going into conference and Easter. Our prayers are with you and your sister and your families.

The Happy Runner said...

I am so very sorry and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Tracy said...

So well said, Mer. Thanks for sharing. Your mom's email today was reassuring too. What a miracle to be able to feel the miracles and blessings despite the huge sadness. We love all of you and we'll keep praying.

Mirien said...

Meredith, you took the words right out of my head. I considered posting similar thoughts today but you did it for me. The way you described yesterday and today was so familiar. Love you. And bring the girls.

molly kay said...

I am so sorry Mer- which sister is Dexter's mommy? Monette? My heart is so sad for them and for you! Love and miss you- Moll

Emily B. Kerr said...

I'm so sorry for your sister's family. I can't even imagine.

I, too, always find comfort and reassurance in the plan of salvation around Easter time. I'm glad you're able to have that perspective right now.

Audrey said...

So sorry to hear this very sad news. The passing of an infant and child is very difficult. I find such comfort in the gospel and the knowledge that we have our children sealed to us. That we will have the millineum with them, that that is a child who will not know the evils of this world, but have all the joys in the millinuem. my prayers are with your family.

Kerry and Dave said...

I just clicked on your sister's blog and spent the last 1/2 hour reading her posts and crying for her loss of such a sweet little baby boy. I'm so happy that she has the gospel and a loving, supportive family. Even so, I am so sad for her and the pain she must be feeling.

Dana said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. I look at my own 3 month old son and just cry for your whole family. I will keep you all in my prayers.

The Dahle Family said...

Thank you for that, Meredith. I'm really learning how the "mourning with those that mourn" helps to ease the sorrow. It's defnitely integrally linked with the "bearing one another's burdens that they may be light." Thanks for helping to hoist the pack off of my shoulders! I appreciated reading about how you feel what I'm feeling. That post was good for my heart.

--Monette

The Busby Family said...

I'm am so sorry! I read their blog and am bawling. What a beautiful little boy! We will pray for you guys and for your sister and her family.

Megs said...

This was a great post and a great way to get ready for conference. We love you!

Lauren said...

I am so sorry for your sister. I can not imagine. Thank you for the reminder about having the right perspective.

Corrine said...

oh meredith my heart just breaks for your sister and her family as well as for you. great perspective and testimony, though at times it just still doesn't ease all the hurt...

merathon said...

molly-- yes it is monette's family.

thanks to everyone for all your supportive comments. writing has NEVER been my strong point and i was worried that my feelings wouldn't come across well in that post. i don't think i was able to describe everything i've been feeling, but i'm glad i was able to express a few thoughts.

today is the funeral and all i can think about is how sad i am that i'm not there to support my family.

Jenn Knight said...

Mer, I'm so sorry. That is probably the hardest thing I could imagine going through... yes, you do have a great perspective.

jessica, jessie, or jessi said...

I'm so sorry! I, too, cannot imagine the pain of losing a child or even a nephew for that matter. Our prayers are with your whole family to find peace and healing. I got goosebumps reading this post (just now for the first time) and reflecting on General Conference during which there was more than one talk (at least in part) that was directed towards those that have lost a child. I hope your sister and her family found comfort in the words that were spoken.

Kathy said...

This is very sad news. I have been following Monnette's blog and reading all about Dexter sice he was a week old. My little Deven is just two weeks older so I have been especially interested. I can't imagine losing him after being here for such a short time on earth. My heart goes out to the Dahle family. From reading the blog, I can tell Monnette is a strong person and definitely has an eternal perspective of life.